In the process of trying to come up with a vision board for the Adventures in Manifesting program, I went back through my list of goals that I had made a few weeks ago. What I noticed is that several of the top New Year’s resolutions were missing off this list — exercising, losing weight, and taking care of myself were no where to be found on that list. In fact, what I had written in was permission for myself to not take care of myself, and to focus my priorities elsewhere. What that leaves me with is this:
Making Choices
My children come first. I usually end up spending some portion of my day (typically around bedtime) reminding myself that they are only small for a short time, and that someday they won’t want to hang out with their mama anymore. I do my best to meet their needs, I schedule fun when I can, and I try my best to enjoy the moments I spent with them.
After the kids comes work. The problem with it coming after the kids is that any time they need something (going back and forth to dance lessons, the big upcoming dentist visits for two Mondays in a row), my work hours get cut short for the day and I have to compensate in other ways. I find joy in providing for my family though, so it makes up for the lack of sleep or whatever else I do to compensate.
The rest of it is somewhere after this, and this is where the real juggling act comes in. I am doing this program right now, which seems to be occupying 1-3 hours of my day, every day. I am supposed to be working on my big product for the year, but between work and the program, I have run out of time and energy. My only time to exercise is between 10 pm and 12 am, but it’s hard to do at that time of night when I am tired and cutting into my evening work hours. I showered when I got up this morning (on work time, GASP!) so even that seems like a constant struggle for balance. And of course here I am writing this post, when I should be doing X, Y and Z instead but I really just felt like I needed to casually enjoy a cup of tea this morning.
Shaving Off The List
So where does that leave me? I’m not saying I have any of this worked out, it’s just that I didn’t make any me goals. When the simple act of showering is both a chore and a miracle, it seems OK to leave things off the list. I know that people say your health is the most important thing, but it just isn’t right now. I have other things I need to do, other things I need to take care of. I know that exercise would be good for me (and would solve my whole inability to meditate because I could just zone out while I’m doing it), but I’ve tried and I just can’t work it into the schedule. I know I should eat better but something quick isn’t going to kill me. I know I should find myself some quiet time for reflection but if the act of looking for it causes more stress than it relieves, it is no longer worth it.
Some year I’ll lose that 20 lbs, get 8 hours of sleep, and find my zen … it’s just not this year. Busy isn’t bad, it’s just busy — and letting go of things that should be important is OK too.
Readers: What do you leave off your list in order to find some sanity in your schedule?