Learning to Love Myself

Let’s be honest — I would not be an entrepreneur if I didn’t have high standards. The drive to be my best, to venture into new things, and to solve new problems is what makes me who I am. I can go a little too far with it though. I have mentally beat myself up on more than one occasion, I suffered from an eating disorder in college, and I have (more than once) referred to myself as a loser.

After 32 years of life, I think I have done enough self-torture.

2011 will be the year of learning to love myself and of being the person who recognizes my achievements the most, not the person who is mostly likely to point out every slip-up and fault.

The holidays are officially over now, and the kids are back in school. It seems like everyone is a still a little off though, because there have been a few parents arriving late to pick up their kids at my daughter’s preschool. When I am running late, I am extremely apologetic and I practically run down the hall for pickup. I have been watching the parents this week though, and you know what? They aren’t in a hurry, or apologetic. They don’t have the look of guilt that I do when I am just a minute late. They just pick up their kids and head on home — and most of them are stay-at-home parents who are late just because they are late, not because they were trying to work until the last second to squeeze in every minute of working time they could find. I’m not saying I’m going to start being blatantly late every day and not care. I’m just saying I could definitely just let go of this working mom guilt and be okay with it. I don’t need to have their Martha-Stewart-esque houses or neatly folded laundry put away the second it comes out of the dryer. I’m going to be okay to be the mom who lets the kids decorate the walls with Christmas lights and doesn’t make them put away the train set the second they are done playing with it. I love my kids, I have work that provides for my family and fulfills me, and really it is all I can hope for in life.

While I’m learning to love myself, I’m also going to stop punishing myself every time I don’t exercise. I do things to myself like not allowing myself to watch my favorite TV show unless I’m on the trainer, pedaling away. If I want to exercise that day, great. If not, that is fine too, and I shouldn’t be angry about it. Being angry with myself was just counter-productive anyway, especially with all that I have going on and in light of me spraining my ankle last week. If I am harsh with myself, I get down, and when I get down, I don’t work productively and efficiently. If I’m going to have an awesome, productive year, it is definitely time for me to give myself a break for not being perfect.